Best Short Joke This Year......

[Heylinder]

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. "Mom," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

[starshooter10]

hehe that was a goood one...

here is another:


A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.



"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"

"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."

"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"

"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."

Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"


The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.


"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.

"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.."

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."

The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?

"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."

The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"

"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."

"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"



"Because you got an F in sex."





AHAHAH

[TurcoLoco]

Very funny jokes guys, thanks for the laugh!

TGIFF!!

[Heylinder]

TGIFF!!

I second that! The drug dealers are restless in Dodge. If they have another shoot out this weekend (while I'm not there) hope they take out a few of themselves this time


More wine please

[starshooter10]

what's "TGIFF" ?

[Heylinder]

Not a short joke AND stolen from the site from which I am banned


Great Andy Rooney Quotes

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Andy Rooney on Monica.
1. Can you believe it? Monica turned 28 this week. It seems like only yesterday that she was crawling round the White House on her hands and knees.

2. Andy Rooney on Vegetarians.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

3. Andy Rooney on Prisoners.
Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each
prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece I'll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles . I already have bars on the windows. I don't think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And,
if they don't want to run, they can rest in the chair that's hooked up to the
generator.

4. Andy Rooney on Fabric Softeners.
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring. But, it's hard to get that April Fresh scent out of your clothes.

5. Andy Rooney on Morning Differences.
Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

6. Andy Rooney on Cripes
My wife's from the Midwest . Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes' 'For Cripes sake.' Who would that be; Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?

7. Rooney on Grandma
My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, 'Sexy Senior Citizen.' You don't want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out
entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.

8. Rooney on answering machines.
Did you ever hear one of these corny positive messages on someone's answering machine? "Hi, it's a great day and I'm out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: "Share the love." BEEP
"Uh, yeah...this is the VD clinic calling....Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love.

[Heylinder]

More thievery!



A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code" to indicate
that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in
on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your
mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her
mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell your daddy
that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red
ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father
what mommy had said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father,
and then returned to her mother and announced,
"Daddy said never mind with the typewriter,
he already wrote the letter by hand."

[TurcoLoco]

what's "TGIFF" ?

C'mon star, I thought you were a sharp guy!

You know what TGIF is right? Extra F is the F word to spice it up a bit!

[Mathster]

C'mon star, I thought you were a sharp guy!

You know what TGIF is right? Extra F is the F word to spice it up a bit!

Tha extra "F" is for Funn.

[Heylinder]

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally
and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone
else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your
private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take
two good friends to the nearest grocery store.

Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote
repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends,
you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.