anangrymouse aka anangrymouse@comcast.net on 8/2/2008 in
<u6ydnfi7ubroXwnVnZ2dnUVZ_gKdnZ2d@comcast.com> after much thought,came
up with this jewel:

> How stupid can you get? Not for zapping yourself (if you really
> did), but for giving it to your wife (if you really did). Maybe you
> got some S&M or something going with you being the M.
>
> Now that your wife has the zapper, do you try to order her around or
> disagree with her? Or do you and she just play games with it.
>
> Just wondering.

**************** reply here*******************************************

how ignorant are you? the first thing I wrote was "Saw this in ACF..."
I will translate the rest for you.....

A poster in the alt.comp.freeware newsgroup posted a very funny story
that he or she saw in another newsgroup and I reposted it here in this
newsgroup. I'll bet that you know the guy,check the trailer down the
lane from you.

***********funny story not snipped so you may enjoy again**************
>
> "What's in a Name?" <maxwachtel@nomail.afraid.org> wrote in message
> news:g68p6b$jmm$1@registered.motzarella.org...
> > Saw this in ACF.....
> >
> > Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
> >
> > A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket taser for their
> > anniversary submitted this:
> >
> > Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
> > sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I
> > was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I
> > came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
> > effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no
> > long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate
> > time to retreat to safety....??
> >
> > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
> > home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the
> > button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I
> > pushed the button AND pressed it against a meta l surface at the
> > same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and
> > forth between the prongs.
> >
> > AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> > burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
> >
> > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
> > that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries,
> > right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
> > intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions
> > and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh
> > & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie
> > (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such
> > a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to
> > protect herself against a mugger, I did want so me assurance that
> > it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
> >
> > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
> > glasses perched delicatel y on the bridge of my nose, directions
> > in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a
> > one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
> > two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major
> > loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly
> > make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
> > Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> > batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device
> > measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
> > pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A
> > batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
> >
> > What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
> > best...?
> >
> > I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
> > one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one
> > second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all
> > that bad. I decided to give myself a o ne second burst just for
> > heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the
> > button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS
> > DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HELL!!!\
> >
> > I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
> > me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
> > over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my
> > side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking
> > wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my
> > left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling
> > in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard
> > before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
> > obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
> > flopping all over the living room.
> >
> > Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser,
> > one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
> > when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it
> > is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the
> > floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
> >
> > SON-OF-A-*****, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
> >
> > A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing
> > at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat
> > up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
> > mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8
> > feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh
> > and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had
> > been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had
> > no control over the drooling. Apparently I **** myself, but was too
> > numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a
> > faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
> > I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward
> > for their safe return!!
> >
> > P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with
> > it!
max
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