HaHa Time :)

[Heylinder]

Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I have had sex
with Nookie Green every week for the last month".
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three
Hail Marys.


Soon after, another man enters the confessional.
"Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I had sex
with Nookie Green twice a week for the last two months."


This time the priest questions, "Who is Nookie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighborhood." the sinner replies.


"Very well," sighs the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Marys."


At Mass the next morning, as the priest prepares to deliver his
sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop dead gorgeous woman enters the
sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fall upon her as she
slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down right in front of the
Priest! Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald
green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp, as the woman in the
matching green shoes and dress sits with her legs slightly spread
apart.


The priest turns to the altar boy and whispers, "Is that Nookie
Green?"
The bug-eyed altar boy can't believe his ears but replies,


"No, I think it's just the reflection off her shoes."

[Gizmokid2005]

LMAO!!! Nice Hey!!

[jholland1964]

That is a riot! Best joke I have read in ages!

[Heylinder]

An old Navy buddy of my husbands sends the most funniest jokes every day. If we had a subforum for jokes only I would post more Wouldn't want to clutter up this sub forum with nonsense

[Gizmokid2005]

Why not clutter this one up? It's not like anybody else posts anything...but me and my riddle of the day thread...

[Mathster]

Why not clutter this one up? It's not like anybody else posts anything...but me and my riddle of the day thread...

I hate to agree with quizimoto, but he's got a point...

[Heylinder]

OK, here you go ...............

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what?”

“A rectum stretcher?”

“And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well" she said,
"I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot *******?" he asked.
Co
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs. $45.00
The Look on Cop's Face. PRICELESS

[Heylinder]

And ..........

Headlines from the year 2029!

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.



Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

[Gizmokid2005]

LMAO!!! Nice Hey!!

[cauzomb]

wow none of those predictions are funny.... Except the part about that camera catching a woman with her mouth shut