Hail Eris, and welcome to the March 2007 Usenet K00k Awards ballot! Up
for recognition this month are such notables as Michael J. "Dog****er"
Cranston the stalker-k00k, Jacky the post-editing nightbat, Brad "far
less bigoted than the average Jew" Guth, Jeff "Get out of MY group, you
dirty spammers!" Noble, Gerald "SEAN MONAGHAN HAS **** FOR BRAINS please
don't hurt me" Newton, "Mettas Mother" the Kadaitcha Man forger (or one
of them), Paine "Einstein knew about flowing space, no really"
Ellsworth, Steve "Dog****er's twin and nemesis" Chaney, Matt Giwer the
Nazi apologist, Roy "Tristan" Hauer the Jabriol apologist, Andrew B.
"False Prophet" Chung, Chuck "pedo-stalker-k00k-plagiarist" Lysaght,
Hagar the Horrible Lamer, Phil "YOU are a KNOW NOTHING CRIMINAL
LIAR !!" Allison, Bill "flowing space makes lots of sense, never mind
what those coffeboys and alleged scientists say" Sheppard, Jeff
"Outlook, the primary standard after Google" Relf, Vito "usenet would be
so much nicer if you stupid idiots were more polite" Kuhn, Michael "no
relation to Henry" Schmidt, Nukleus/Bloxy/Terminator/Big-8 CEO/"that
spamming idiot on a Ukrainian server you just killfiled three
times"/Gennady Kalmykov, Catherine "Christmas Cake" Burr, Martin X.
"Sure, I'll kiss Tim's arse" Moleski,
Saditha/babalooyoutoo/ahorseis_forever/"that other spamming idiot you
just killfiled ten times", Dustin "RAiD"/"Outer Filth"/"email is not a
private means of communication" Cook, Andre "soc.fr00t" Lieven,
Walter "my middle name's 'Illucid'" Mautner, Warhol the Muslim saucerhead
and mixmaster of mythoi,
Gary "flatfish"/"Roy Schestowitz's forger"/"Laura Shillingford"/"Le
Farter"/"Le Yammy"/"Leaking Onion"/"Leo Diaz"/"Les Cramer"/"Les
Turner"/"Les Walton"/"Leslie
Bassman"/"Lilly"/"Lindy"/"linux.curious"/"Linux Exposer"/etc Stewart,
the Brandy Haters Cabal (as trained by Brandy Alexandre),
Richard "at least once openly volunteered the fact that he's a pedo"/"The
St00pid" Bullis, Azure the "Pictsie"/"Pixie", news.groups.proposals
(where, if you've got the RFD for a moderated group, they've got just the
rubber stamp you need, but if it's for just another unmoderated group, get
out, ya bum, who needs you?), the saucerheads of alt.astronomy (funny how
there don't seem to be any openly gay s'heads among them, what with all
the gay lames they spew), and the PorchMonkey4Life, striving only to hold
onto his position in the Office of Village Idiot, this month.
Now, on with the voting, and feel free to confine your ballot to AUK
only!
All Hail Fluffy! On Sun, 01 Apr 2007 05:23:24 +0000, Friendly Neighborhood
Vote Wrangler whined:
> Here follows the one true ballot for the March 2007 Usenet Kook Awards.
> Anybody may vote, but your votes may be disqualified, mocked, burnt,
> shredded and/or recycled for use as toilet paper or filler for Fluffy's
> litter box at the Vote Wrangler's discretion if:
> * you are a notorious net.kook
> * you attempt to vote twice
> * you vote anonymously or with an unidentifiable sockpuppet
> * you vote for or against yourself
> * you vote in a thread other than this one
> * you vote in a newsgroup other than AUK without crossposting to AUK
> * you follow up to an incomplete or altered version of the ballot
> * you have explicitly been disenfranchised by the Vote Wrangler
> * you have officially been declared non-existent
> Crossposting the complete, unaltered ballot is permitted. You have until
> 23:59:59 (11:59:59 PM) UTC on April 8th to cast your votes. Vote wisely;
> next time the candidate might be *you*.
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> KOOK OF THE MONTH
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Mike "Miguel" Cranston, a.k.a. "Michael Cranston attorney"
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> CLUELESS NEWBIE OF THE MONTH
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Brad Guth
> Jeff "Jazzycat" Noble
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> COWARD OF THE MONTH
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
> Mettas Mother
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> None of the above
> Abstain
> LOONEY MAROON AWARD
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
> Steve Chaney
> None of the above
> Abstain
> GOLDEN KILLFILE
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Matt Giwer
> Roy "Tristan" Hauer
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> JOSEPH BARTLO PATHETIC ANAL PINEAPPLE AWARD
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Dr. Andrew B. Chung
> Chuck "Kluck" Lysaght
> Hagar
> Steve Chaney
> None of the above
> Abstain
> PALMJOB PADDLE
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Gerald Newton of alt.culture.alaska
> Mike "Miguel" Cranston, a.k.a. "Michael Cranston attorney"
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> None of the above
> Abstain
> TONY SIDAWAY DRAMA QUEEN AWARD
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Mike "Miguel" Cranston, a.k.a. "Michael Cranston attorney"
> Phil Allison
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> VICTOR VON FRANKENSTEIN WEIRD SCIENCE AWARD
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Bill Sheppard
> Jeff Relf
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> GEORGE PICKETT MEMORIAL TROPHY
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Mike "Miguel" Cranston, a.k.a. "Michael Cranston attorney"
> Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
> Steve Chaney
> None of the above
> Abstain
> GEORGE ARMSTRONG CUSTER "KICKED @$$" AWARD
> (Vote YES, NO, or abstain)
> Vito Kuhn, a.k.a. "Frito Kuhntroll"
> YES
> NO
> Abstain
> SPECIAL OPS CODY MEMORIAL PURPLE HEART
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Michael "Howdy/TrumpetoftheLord" Schmidt
> Nukleus/Bloxy
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> TAR & FEATHERS
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Catherine Burr
> Martin X. Moleski of the Big-8 Management Board
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> BUSTED URINAL AWARD
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Babaloonie
> Dustin Cook
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> None of the above
> Abstain
> UNABOMBER SURPRISE
> (Vote YES, NO, or abstain)
> Andre Lieven
> YES
> NO
> Abstain
> GOOFY AZZED BABBOON
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Walter Mautner
> Warhol
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> BOLO BULLIS FOAM DUCK
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Mike "Miguel" Cranston, a.k.a. "Michael Cranston attorney"
> Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> ORDER OF THE HOLEY SOCKPUPPET
> (Vote YES, NO, or abstain)
> Gary "flatfish" Stewart
> YES
> NO
> Abstain
> BARBARA WOODHOUSE MEMORIAL DOG-WHISTLE AWARD
> (Vote for one, neither of the above, or abstain)
> Brandy Haters Cabal, trained by Brandy Alexandre
> Gerald Newton, trained by Sean Monaghan
> Neither of the above
> Abstain
> HAMMER OF THOR
> (Vote for one, none of the above, or abstain)
> Charlotte L. Blackmer
> Volfie of AMM-J, a.k.a. "Fragile Warrior"
> Wally Anglesea
> None of the above
> Abstain
> OFFICE OF DARTH BAWL
> (Vote for one or abstain)
> Nightbat of alt.astronomy
> Paine Ellsworth, a.k.a. "Painius" of alt.astronomy
> Abstain
> OFFICE OF VILLAGE IDIOT
> (Vote for one or abstain)
> Chuck "Kluck" Lysaght
> PorchMonkey4Life
> Richard "The St00pid" Bullis
> Abstain
> KOOKI INFORMATION MINISTER
> (Vote for one or abstain)
> Dr. Andrew B. Chung
> Azure
> Abstain
> MINISTRY OF CIRCLE JERKS
> (Vote for one or abstain)
> news.groups.proposals
> The Saucerheads of alt.astronomy
> Abstain
> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
> Fluffy thanks you for your participation. Meow.
--
__________________________________________________ ______________________
Hail Eris! All Hail Discordia! Kallisti! Top ******* #3
Flonk Leader #2 & #11 1/9; mhm 29 x 21; Usenet Ruiner #5
Awl Hale Teh Mity Poast Kount!
The meow.****head; Official Chung Demon
Most Hated Usenetizen of All Time #13
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Cabal_...y_Pretzel/join
Economic Left/Right: -7.63
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -7.38
Barbara Woodhouse Memorial Dog Whistle
Trainer of PorchMonkey4Life
http://www.screedbomb.info/porchie/
"Gabrielle?! Monkey-man, you bring her back! You know, you two are
beginning to irritate me with these obsessions of yours!
Fish don't just catch themselves!" -- Xena, "Fins, Femmes, &
Gems" (64/318)
At last! See Joxer The Mity Monkey on camera! Watch him freak out!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_WuaENGqz0
"I hate explain $hit to tards. Especially illiterate tards." -- The
Monkey is very hard on irony meters, as in MID:
<Tc4xh.657$hH2.432@trnddc02>
"No effort at all c*cksucking you, b1tch." -- At last, the Monkey-man
comes out of the closet, in MID: <aXkth.3535$QE6.1902@trnddc02>
I mourned:
> The Mop Jockey did most oddly state:
>> DUDE, YOU WIN TEH INTERNETS!!!
>> the oversized check is in the mail.
> Alas, all I get for my trouble is a Monkey that's trained to hurl ****
> under several of my nyms.
"DevMcKinHole, you also get the pleasure of sucking off my doggy and
cleaning out his butthole with your tongue." -- He's not so much a
*Porch*Monkey as a _Fire_Monkey, as in one who's on fire due to his
own tendency to mess with lighter fluid while standing beside a hot
stove. Message-ID: <77Uxh.1996$384.1135@trnddc05>
Said I:
> You, Monkey-man, are quite possibly the only usenetter in existence
> who does not and cannot own Hatter.
"[...] What's the matter fagboi, am I beating your as$ so badly that
you're no seeking an alliance with the diaperboi?...YOu really don't
know how dumb you are, do ya?" -- I guess I don't, Monkey.
Message-ID: <gHVIh.1760$Bi2.1639@trnddc01>
"Fredbot == SameAsB4 == TGOOS
"You are stalking me, even after I thrashed ya." -- PorchMonkey4Life,
a veritable combination of Sherlock Holmes and Doc Savage for the 21st
Century. No, really. Would I lie? MID: <zaUqh.2972$E35.415@trnddc02>
"He unleashes a fecal explosion he time he posts. He uses so many nyms
because he gets beaten so easily and so convincingly in flame wars and
tries to hide behind nyms in the hopes of getting a fresh start. To bad
for him that his lameness keep shining through like a beacon for all
tards (e.g., SameAs$B4, Demon Spawn, Barbara's Pus$y, FredBot,
TGOOS, ......, etc)" -- Monkey-man identifies <jitter> as me, among
others, in broken English, in MID: <Z_Xqh.3167$E35.215@trnddc02>
Quoth Max Grrl to the Monkey:
> Free cl00: Why do you think you've been nominated for so many awards,
> Dribbles???
"Because y'all have so many nyms. Like I stated yesterday. Your b1tch as$
opinion doesn't mean $hit to me. You are totally irrelevant to me. I
continue flame you because I like kicking retards around." -- The
Monkey-man is unaware that Max Grrl only _has_ one nym. MID:
<jq9xh.875$hH2.700@trnddc02>
"Open wide and wait for a $hit explosion, turdboy" -- Joxer isn't very
well-acquainted with the concept of not aiming the flamethrower at his
own position. MID: <r7Wxh.2191$384.676@trnddc05>
>> Are you the Peter J Ross that I've heard so much about?
> Probably. I'm the one who doesn't resort to forgery after losing an
> argument.
"You're the one with the extensive brain damage... okay I see. You're
gonna be easily to own them." -- PorchMonkey4Life: Not aware of too many
things. MID: <bf7xh.834$hH2.64@trnddc02>
"You're just mad that you got tard stomped again fagg0t. You throw
something incredibly lame out there and I ramming it right back down
your throat. And you wonder how I just did what I did to you. You wonder
how I can make something so lame that you tossed out there so gosh darn
amusing when I fling it back at ya.
"Here's the secret: Unlike you, I am *not* retarded. You're tardness
gets in your way every single time, fagboi.
"Are you still crying over your keyboard, c0ckslurper? Is your mouth
wide open and drool falling out. Is your chunky body convulsing as you
think about how you were once again made a fool of? Are yellow boogie
snots running out of your unnaturally large nose down your triple chins?
"Look at what I reduced you too, tard.. I thoroughly enjoy owning and
abusing you.. Thanks for being so tarded and so easy to beat." -- The
PorchMonkey4Life has gone on re-define red as yellow, black as white,
and being run over by a truck as just a scratch. Message-ID:
<kX3Nh.525$vI1.380@trnddc02>
"yes you are definitely retarded. See a neurologist immediate. And if
you don't have monet, blow a neurologist immediately." -- Farky the
Monkey-man to peachy ashie passion. No, no trace of irony in his post.
MID: <4h6xh.802$hH2.233@trnddc02>
"You're like some kind of rabid attack-gerbil." -- Lionel Lauer to Joxer
in MID: <oorbs2pt3dc6b8t4aps7a68k0s9stn2...@4ax.com>
"I say you are out of your ****ing mind." -- Ying Guo, posting as
"SameAsB4" <exebuy...@yanospamhoo.com>, tells PorchMonkey4Life, posting
as the same nick but a slightly different morph, the score, in MID:
<ka4lo.338.1...@news.alt.net>
"in the holy spirit i know you would satisfy every single person in a
room if you were the only person present." -- ~tanya, to Crazy Andy II,
in MID: <1167007805.998087.289...@a3g2000cwd.googlegroups. com>
"Chips on you dud, you got bugged for being near me, Viruses transmit
that way you know." -- Blooey: Master of the Autoflame. Message-ID:
<4556A926.6F259...@pharae.org>
"And thats another mistake on your part. Your 'playing' games on usenet,
and I'm not playing...It has nothing to do with impressing you, it has
more to do with making sure you have the education you'll need to debate.
The debate is no fun for me if you are mentally incapable of it. I'm
giving you an opportunity to educate yourself. That's all." -- A trashy
former virus-writer turned Outer Filth doesn't know if he's playing or
working, in MID: <1159389579.179851.33...@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.c om>
"Dustin is FILTH in my opinion. And not for any reason other than posting
Rhonda's personal info." -- Respondant
"email is not a private form of communication." -- Dustin Cook, in
Message-ID: <1157484607.556401.25...@h48g2000cwc.googlegroups. com>
"It would be offly hard for any of you to abuse me on usenet. Really. I
have the advantage. I could easily turn alt.usenet.kooks into a cesspool
of encoded posts. Bringing the noise ratio up so high as to make the
group worthless. Anybody who can code could do this, why nobody has
bothered before now is beyond me. The ultimate spamming engine..
'BAWAHAHA'" -- Dustbin K00k's delusions of grandeur reached new heights,
in Message-ID: <Xns98355D29419B9HHI2948AJD...@69.28.186.121>
"I don't think so because, I'm a whole lot smarter and far less bigoted
than the average Jew, although smart Jews as having collaborated with
your Skull and Bones Third Reich certainly have more of those
in-your-face balls than I'd ever have to work with." -- Guthball drools
all over my irony meter, in MID:
<fea985f50107c84f4d1d4894114d1989.49...@mygate.mai lgate.org>
"It does to a certain extant physically and theoretically
it holds even into the quantum but there observational confirmation is
limited or non existent. That's the problem and the major stumbling
block to field unification. For Dr. Einstein held out that a physical
based field theory should be sought out and not left to quantum
uncertainty of how the universe primly base works. Man made coordinate
systems are fine without knowing from where or what is the base essence
of what the space as deduced field is composed of, but not totally
satisfactory. Anomalies keep space cropping up and scientists have to
keep adjusting for these unexpected events. It's like a blind man that
has memorized his physical surroundings to a point he feels very
comfortable until that one new or unexpected event pops up and he's lost
and fumbling." -- nightbat, in one of his more lucid moments.
Message-ID: <b27b0$45ed14a7$46e3a646$6...@COMTECK.COM>
"I am a loyal friend to those who report science and truth not
try to hidden agenda hide it. Astronomy is so important little do the
clueless know where they came from or where they are going. The Officer
Warhol reporting of Little Goldilocks and the Tree Bears was so relaxing
but heed its moral warning blondes do have more fun. The Seans Sil a
beauty like no other waits for this Earthman to hopefully safely real
Starship bring all those worthy to space the final frontier. Choose life
not war, oh the humanity, when will man lay down his arms? Thank you
Green Knight for your dedication to duty and God speed on your journey
to the sacred mountain. Figs and olives the preservers of life and
promoters of good digestion. You darn tooten we like fig Newton.
Att: All Earth Science Team Officers
Officer Warhol has issued a world wide bulletin for all coastal residing
residents to go to higher ground due to planet warming. The increasing
planetary green house effect is scientifically now observed. The Green
Knight predicted dooms day long cycle comet may also be approaching,
take heed! Also Florida residents listen for daily reports from Officer
Bert and please be aware of hurricane Debbie now gaining power off the
coast of Africa, oh the humanity!"
-- nightbat on the importance of a good diet, and always taking one's
meds, in MID: <5936a$44ec171f$46e3a618$28...@COMTECK.COM>
"Real meaning: 'Repeatedly another raw-boned lout twitters, but some
mankhead recurrently thereafter erodes the hymen. If another habitual
criminal beyond a fat cell advises some fermentation bucket, then the
show-off respecting another swamp-donkey glides. Now and then, some
jawless fusspot periphrastically disturbs a mechanic with an inchworm.
When you see another impacted tooth, it means that a ***** round a fried
egg wobbles.
The walrus squeals, and another flathead amid a ham sandwich burns;
however, a flasher charms a scabby codpiece. Another sheep with another
taco tickler wakes, and the hedgehog sees another zigzagger. When some
tatterdemalion afore the fungus is frightfully swaggering, some ruffian
reportingly starts a bank manager.
Another vegetative door-to-door salesman splashes, and a dung ball
respecting the mother****er smiles; however, a hamster drinks a hifalutin
fowl. Another alienated zoo exhibit comes, while some depressing hose bag
finds some futtock. When you see another tonsil, it means that a cholera
germ amongst another trollop sweats. Some dizzily stony-broke wretch is
nosy. Some melancholic homo endlessly dangles some thereupon pus-filled
fumbler.'" -- Kadaitcha interprets batty's advice in a most wise and
insightful manner, in MID: <5m0ln4$zn...@emaciated-marshmallows.net.au>
"You would no longer be here if I were to stop praying for you." Andrew
B. Chung's delusions of grandeur are getting out of hand, in MID:
<1160653810.937331.31...@e3g2000cwe.googlegroups.c om>
> A Christian is a citizen of Christ Jesus' kingdom just as an American is
> a citizen of the United States.
Whatever you've been smoking, it's making you spew great lines for a
"Cheech and Chung" movie.
-- Chadwick Stone to Andrew B., in MID:
<f98Hg.249738$bN2.41...@fe09.news.easynews.com>
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