Michel Gromek points to his left horn, normally
cleverly hidden beneath his forelocks

Of course, this is just his version of events. We’ll have to wait to
hear from the godly family to find out what really happened. :-)

“They told me I had the devil in my heart.”

When Polish student Michael Gromek, 19, went to America on a
student exchange, he found himself trapped in a host family of Christian
fundamentalists. What followed was a six-month hell of dawn church
visits and sex education talks as his new family tried to banish the
devil from his soul.

“Things began to go wrong as soon as I arrived in my new home in
Winston-Salem, where I was to spend my year abroad. For example, every
Monday my host family would gather around the kitchen table to talk
about sex. My host parents hadn’t had sex for the last 17 years because
— so they told me — they were devoting their lives to God. They also
wanted to know whether I drank alcohol. I admitted that I liked beer and
wine. They told me I had the devil in my heart.

Then, seeing as we were already on the topic of God’s will, the
religious zealots finally brought up a subject which had clearly been on
their minds for a long time: They wanted me to help them set up a
Fundamentalist Baptist church in my home country of Poland. It was God’s
will, they said.

It was only after four months that I decided to change my host
family. [Editor: Four months! He may have the devil in him, but talk
about the patience of Job! (Job wasn’t patient, by the way, nor should
he have been. Read it sometime.)]

Despite everything, I still haven’t come to terms with my
experience. I want to write to the religious family soon and explain to
them, clearly and calmly, why things went so wrong.

Don’t bother, kid. Better just to kick the dust from your sandals and
move on.