Microsoft Contraceptives
NEW PRODUCT: MICROSOFT CONTRACEPTIVES
Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect
of American life with the introduction of "Contraceptive 98", a suite of
applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a
pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play. It believes these
technologies will give it substantial protection and the need for a firewall
to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.
The Contraceptive 98 suite consists of three products: Condom 98, DeFetus
1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of
Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in
two expanded versions. Contraceptive 98 Professional is the Client/Server
edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector, and Contraceptive
98 Small Business Edition.
While Contraceptive 98 does not address non-traditional channels, future
plug-ins are planned for next year. They will be known as BackDoor, AuraLee,
TitElation, and JerkOff.
OPERATION
Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package. At
installation, the Condom 98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the
user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently
scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation
commences. One caution is that the user must have sufficient RAM to complete
the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and
the user gets the message, "It is now safe to turn off your partner."
DRAWBACKS
Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during
beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error
encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been
eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time it is used.
CONCLUSION
Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is a
reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its
shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software), will add
missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, Uninterruptible Power
Supply, and Onboard Camera. Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic about
Contraceptive98's potential. He recently said, "Our contraceptive products
will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for
years."
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