I added the NG I believe you meant to post this to...

In article <IgHgb.726$XM3.29559@news.uswest.net>,
qpjohannas@heavenhelpus.invalid says...
> I ate some bad paella at a shady restaurant. Within two hours, I was on the
> can.
>
> Fiery hot streams of diarrhea erupted from my ass like a dragon breathing
> fire. I could
> feel lettuce and undigested foot chunks being shot out of my ass, I could
> hear their
> splash. I could feel the sticky, runny diarrhea clinging to my ass hairs
> like chocolate
> covered sprouts. Then I felt my stomach lunge. I flushed the toilet and bent
> over it,
> vomiting -- only the smell of diarrhea made me sicker. When I blew my nose,
> food
> chunks caught in the back of my throat shot into the kleenex -- corn, more
> lettuce and
> what looked like a piece of shrimp.
>
> I began to wipe my ass, intermittently stopping to **** again. I couldn't
> move. Finally, I
> was done. I wiped and wiped, half a roll of toilet paper gone, my ass red
> like a
> baboon's from the chafing -- some blood was on the paper. I used two
> washcloths to
> clean my asshairs, hopelessly caked as they were with quick drying feces. I
> hobbled into
> the shower, gritting my teeth as the hot water stung my sore and chafed ass.
> I felt the
> stream cleanse me, breaking up the crust that had soldified like quick
> cement.
>
> Soon I'm out of the shower, gritting my teeth as I dry off. Tasting puke and
> smelling ****,
> I wobble. Gingerly, I rub some cream on my raw ass and the expended dirt
> star and
> gingerly put on my boxers.
>
> I feel a fart coming on, and gently, gently begin to release it. But the
> fart takes on a life
> of its own and explodes, spattering my underwear with the resounding slap of
> a fastball
> hitting a catcher's glove.
>
> Defeated, I remove my soiled boxers and sit on the toilet, beginning the
> process anew.
>
> The gas and diarrhea smell was so bad I exhausted two candles trying to get
> rid of it!
>
>
>