Please critique my fund raising letter :)

[Heylinder]

maybe remove the "a" fourth line down; "I have started my fund raising off with a personal donation of a $100"

Done.

and in the same paragraph; "Your donation will bring us closer to our goal and help with Habitat for Humanity of Camden County first Women Build." Maybe looks better as "Your donation will bring us closer to our goal of two-thousand dollars and help fund Habitat for Humanity of Camden County's 'First Woman Build'

Numbers talk so I'm leaving them in and the "Women Build" is a Habitat thing so I have to leave that in.

Maybe encapsulation and first letter capitals for the event title,
'Blabla blah Blablab Lablabla Blabla' or (Blabla blah Blablab Lablabla Blabla)

We are on the same page with this The event is actually bold in my printed letter and looks good.

And maybe even get some stationary/letterhead from Habitat for humanity, or have them print it up for you so it looks nice n formal.

I have the logo I designed on the letter .... guess I forgot to mention it

You may also want to discribe what the first woman build is about. If it's something that you didn't organise, maybe just cut-paste a short discription from HFH's website.

I thought about this but wanted to keep the letter to one sheet of paper and the font size is already a bit smaller than I would like it to be.

Great suggestions! Thanks!

[Heylinder]

Logo

[jholland1964]

Is there any way you can get the Habitat for Humanity logo in there someplace? Will they allow you to use their logo in this someplace? I only ask because this would let folks know that this IS an approved "by them" fundraiser if their logo appears within either your logo or within the body of the letter itself because in order to use their logo you would have to have their permission. I only suggest this because anybody can sponsor a fundraiser and say it is for "something"...but it really isn't.

[Heylinder]

Is there any way you can get the Habitat for Humanity logo in there someplace? Will they allow you to use their logo in this someplace? I only ask because this would let folks know that this IS an approved "by them" fundraiser if their logo appears within either your logo or within the body of the letter itself because in order to use their logo you would have to have their permission. I only suggest this because anybody can sponsor a fundraiser and say it is for "something"...but it really isn't.

I think you are right I'll see what I can do as far as putting the HFH logo in. At the kick off meeting we were all given permission to use their logo for fundraising.

Thanks for your suggestions Ms Judy

[Heylinder]

How is this?

[jholland1964]

I just think it is really key to have the HFH logo on YOUR logo too. EVERYBODY knows what it is when they see it and often times just that alone will make somebody give. I would also remove your Habitat for Humanity of Camden County as you have it on your logo and insert the actual Habitat for Humanity logo there

[Gizmokid2005]

I would have to agree with Judy on the logo. The letter itself is good.

[mrweasel]

what is a Women Build?

I'm assuming that it's a "girl's only" house.

[TurcoLoco]

If it was a women's topless mud wrestling then raising the funds would not be a problem at all!!

[Heylinder]

what is a Women Build?

I'm assuming that it's a "girl's only" house.

Built by all women

Lowes is the underwriter of this project and are giving us how to lessons .... hope I don't break a fingernail