Please critique my fund raising letter :)

[Heylinder]

I've gotten involved in an all womens build for Habitat for Humanity. For my fund raising event I decided to do a poker run. Since this is my first ever major fundraiser I would appreciate help in critiquing my "give me money" letter. So what do you think ........




Dear Camden County Merchant,

On October 20, 2007 I will be taking up the challenge of hosting Ride to Build, a motorcycle poker run to benefit the first Habitat for Humanity of Camden County Women Build. The poker run will raise vital funds for the Habitat for Humanity build.

We have a large fund raising goal for the HFHCC Women Build. My goal for the Ride to Build Poker Run is set at $2,000, which is only a small percentage of what it takes to build a house. I would greatly appreciate your help in reaching this target by any merchandise donation you are able to give. All merchandise donations received will be used as door prizes that will be given out at the end of the Ride to Build Poker Run.

Cash donations will also be greatly appreciated for any up front expenses needed to get this exciting event off and running.

I have started my fund raising off with a personal donation of a $100. Your donation will bring us closer to our goal and help with Habitat for Humanity of Camden County first Women Build.

There are three donation levels. These include the Red, White, and Blue levels. (Please see the level descriptions below.) With your donation in the Blue level your company name will be included on the event flyer as well as the event t-shirt.


Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. As one of my sponsors, I will personally let you know how we do. If you would like any more information on the Ride to Build Poker Run please visit www.firstcoasttrikers.com , email me@yahoo.com , or call **-***-****.

Sincerely,


Linda
Tear-off Reply Form: Fill-in your name, company, donation amount.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I, ________________ at ____________________ will help Ride to Build Poker Run reach the fund raising target of $2,000 for the Habitat for Humanity Women Build by sponsoring a donation of ______________ .
Red Level: up to $100.00
White Level: $101.00 to $300.00
Blue Level: $301.00 and above
All checks should be made payable to Linda /Ride to Build. Thank you!

[knight0334]

I see a problem...

It should be: "Make checks payable to Robert Preston."

[jholland1964]

Looks good to me!

[Heylinder]

Bobby, I'll be sure to make that change ............ tomorrow

Ms Judy, thanks


What do you all think of the donation levels? Should I make them a bit higher? Especially since the Blue level will be on the t-shirt. Seems to me you can only fit so much on the back of a t-shirt

[jholland1964]

I think the donation level amounts are probably right on...especially for the first time. You don't want to make them TOO high and you don't want them too low either but I would word them this way
Red Level: up to $100.00
White Level: up to $300.00
Blue Level: More than $300

.You also want to be sure these businesses know they will get some sort of official receipt for the amount of their donation, so they can claim a deduction to charity on their taxes. Be sure to check how these should be worded from Habitat, they should know all the particulars on how to acknowledge the donations to make them tax deductible.

[PhilliePhan]

I see a problem...

It should be: "Make checks payable to Robert Preston."

LOL!

-- I believe fundraising is one word. Or, if not one word, it should probably be the hyphenated fund-raising.....


PP

[Heylinder]

I thought it was one word also but spell check puts it at two. I better google it





edit: Wikipedia says one word so I'm going with it

[jholland1964]

Fundraising/fundraiser is one word, no -

[cauzomb]

maybe remove the "a" fourth line down; "I have started my fund raising off with a personal donation of a $100" and in the same paragraph; "Your donation will bring us closer to our goal and help with Habitat for Humanity of Camden County first Women Build." Maybe looks better as "Your donation will bring us closer to our goal of two-thousand dollars and help fund Habitat for Humanity of Camden County's 'First Woman Build'


Maybe encapsulation and first letter capitals for the event title,
'Blabla blah Blablab Lablabla Blabla' or (Blabla blah Blablab Lablabla Blabla)

And maybe even get some stationary/letterhead from Habitat for humanity, or have them print it up for you so it looks nice n formal.

You may also want to discribe what the first woman build is about. If it's something that you didn't organise, maybe just cut-paste a short discription from HFH's website.

[jholland1964]

Good suggestions Cauz...